Kids need to hear their Dad's voice

The other week I attended a communication master class where one of the topics was discovering your voice. The speaker talked about how every person has a voice that not only deserves to be heard but needs to be heard. Over the past few days leading into Fathers Day I have been revisiting this statement in my role as a dad. I have been realising that many men have lost their voice in the family. Sometimes it happens because the marriage has broken up, long working hours or feeling that they have nothing to offer as a parent. A sense of feeling inadequate.

As I have talked about this with my mates I have learnt that a fathers voice is essential to the development of a son and daughter. The voice of the father is where our children need to gain their affirmation. Mums will give voice to nurture but fathers give voice to affirmation. Think of the most famous father son quote in history 'This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased'.

Our daughters need the voice of their father for their development. Psychological studies show that daughters gain more self esteem from their fathers voice than their mum and often career decisions are shaped by fathers.

Our kids need to hear the voice of their father in their lives. In fact the best Fathers Day gift isn't what the children give us but what we Dads give our families. Our voice. Costs little but has eternal ramifications.

The Power of Encouragement

The other Saturday I was driving from Harrison’s Under 13 school soccer match to Jack’s Under 8 club soccer match. This season I had agreed to coach Jack’s team which has been an interesting experience for me. Any way in the 20 minute trip I had broken the news to Jack that it was his turn to be goal keeper. Now Jack is scared of getting hurt by the ball and previous turns as goalie have ended badly for the team and his parents.
Jack earnestly pleaded his case not to be goalie but I knew it was his turn and as I was the coach I promised to help him through this traumatic experience. Right up to kick off Jack was still apprehensive and I did my best assure him he would be fine and that I would be there to help him. Now in under 8’s the coach can be on the field so I was able to encourage him while standing with him as he did his stint as goalie. By half time no goals had been scored and he had actually saved 2 goals.
By training the following Wednesday Jack’s confidence was so high he wanted to be keeper at practice and wanting to keep in the next game as well. What had changed?

I don’t know but I did learn that encouragement mixed with physical support is a powerful tool.

Now I am not talking about unnatural encouragement. You know telling some one they will be a scientist when they fail science, that you will be a good electrician when they are colour blind. No, I am talking about when you know they are capable but lack self belief. It’s encouragement beyond just saying words; that has action with it. I’ll stand with you, watch you, and get you some help.

Raising kids or work mates is more than words. It is about putting self belief into their life. It’s about fostering a ‘you can do it attitude’ and saying that I will see it through with you.

My favourite Bible story is about Mark. Paul says that Mark is useless to him and tells him to go away. Latter we read Paul at the end of his life calls for Mark as he believes he is useful to Paul’s work. What caused the change? Barnabus. Barnabus known as a great encourager takes hold of Mark from the scrap heap because he could see something in him and with some encouragement could make Mark fulfil his potential.

This week at soccer I learnt what it is like to be Barnabus to my son Jack and I have since seen what it has done to him. Imagine what would happen in your work place, congregation, and home or your sporting team if you have a Barnabus person in its midst. How different would your office be or your church, sporting team or home. How much more successful would it be and importantly how many more Marks or Jacks would be encouraged to achieve something they thought was impossible.