Kids need to hear their Dad's voice

The other week I attended a communication master class where one of the topics was discovering your voice. The speaker talked about how every person has a voice that not only deserves to be heard but needs to be heard. Over the past few days leading into Fathers Day I have been revisiting this statement in my role as a dad. I have been realising that many men have lost their voice in the family. Sometimes it happens because the marriage has broken up, long working hours or feeling that they have nothing to offer as a parent. A sense of feeling inadequate.

As I have talked about this with my mates I have learnt that a fathers voice is essential to the development of a son and daughter. The voice of the father is where our children need to gain their affirmation. Mums will give voice to nurture but fathers give voice to affirmation. Think of the most famous father son quote in history 'This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased'.

Our daughters need the voice of their father for their development. Psychological studies show that daughters gain more self esteem from their fathers voice than their mum and often career decisions are shaped by fathers.

Our kids need to hear the voice of their father in their lives. In fact the best Fathers Day gift isn't what the children give us but what we Dads give our families. Our voice. Costs little but has eternal ramifications.

The Art of Followship

Plenty has been written and spoken on how to be a good or great leader. One key aspect I believe is often missed in teaching people leadership principals is the principal of Followship. The art of followship is about learning to be a good leader by first being a good follower of leaders. There are several key points to learning leadership through the art of followship.

Find a good leader

Obvious I know but it is integral to learning good leadership habits. Followship learning operates on the principal that more is ‘caught than taught.’ Find a good leader and stick to them like glue. Be a sponge and absorb.

Be observant

Followship is about learning how a leader leads. How do they make decisions, treat people, respond to problems and react to changed circumstances. It’s an invaluable Leadership 101 subject.

Patience

My experience is that many potential leaders want the power and position now. Fortunately leadership is a maturing process not a knowledge one. It is about serving your time in followship learning the craft. Where many people go wrong is they want to skip a few rungs in the ladder by taking short cuts. They might look good on the outside but the inside is empty.

Followship has a cost

Learning leadership this way has a cost in time, ego and pride. Serve your apprenticeship in following well and the opportunities will open without you having to create them. One of my favourite leadership quotes by Jeff Bezos is “You earn a reputation by doing the hard things well.” You gain your leadership credentials in followship by doing the hard yards.

Even great leaders follow

One thing followship tells you are that great leaders follow too. Most great leaders themselves were nurtured by someone else and still have a system of accountability around them. The lesson you learn to be a great leader is to deal with pride. Great leaders will have a succession plan. Poor leaders are insecure and consequently don’t raise up other leaders.

Final notes

If you are an aspiring leader you need to seek someone you admire and stick to them like glue.

If you want to raise strong leaders in your organisation, company or church then you need to identify potential in your group and then apprentice them to yourself. Make yourself to be available to counsel, teach and be watched as you lead. There maybe a cost to you in the short term but you will reap the rewards of your efforts.        

A key to being a good leader - humility

I was thinking the other day about how humility is one of those counter intuitive things. You know something that is seen as not popular or strong a bit uncool. But humility is actually strong and a desirable trait to have. John Dickson a professor in ancient history and Director of Centre for Public Christianity was talking about humility and what it is and isn’t. He defined it ‘as the noble choice to forgo your status and use your influence for the good of others’. He explains that humility is perhaps one of the most powerful tools a leader can have in their toolbox.




Aristotle in his story on the art of persuasion a long time ago essentially said that most people believe a good hearted man first. His template for communication style is still used today. He says that most people believe a good hearted man more than any other characteristic first.



I love my sport and I began to think about one of the most humble sport stars I know. Darren Lockyer. Now I am not talking about his words but about how he plays the game. Watch him play and you will see what I think the key to humility is. He genuinely wants his team mates to do very well and receive more plaudits than himself. When he plays he never ‘sells’ the dump to a team mate. He rarely passes the ball to their feet or above their head, rarely throws a punch. I don’t think he has been on report or taken a cheap shot.



In fact he spends his time setting up the play for his team mates to score a try or run through a gap in the defence. It’s all about putting his team mates into the very best position for them to play their game.



Can you imagine how transformed your workplace would be if you did your best to make others look good and do their best. Now isn’t that counter cultural or counter intuitive. That is what true humility is ‘influence for the good of others before yourself’. That is leadership that is inspiring and persuasive.



We are attracted to people who are great and humble rather than those who are great and tell you. Mandela, Wilberforce, Ghandi and Jesus. People with no legislative power but moved a great force of people because of their character.

Imagine how transformed your workplace would be if you chose to make other people in your team look good.

Just how relevant is your church?

Just how relevant is your church?

One of the biggest focus points on Churches over the last 10 years or so has been the desire to be relevant. Churches and ministers have spent huge amounts of thought, money and resources on their desire to be relevant to their community. What I have learnt is that unfortunately church has misinterpreted relevance as style when in fact relevancy is more about substance. It is not concerned with how you deliver the message but whether the message is pertinent to the target audience in most cases the unchurched.

The dictionary defines relevant as: adj; having direct bearing on the matter in hand; pertinent. It has very little to do with style. A relevant message or statement is about it being appropriate or meaningful to the target audience. It is not about whether the music was this century not last, video projector was used instead of overhead projector. A relevant message is a message that made sense to the listener.

Too often churches let themselves down by putting all their energy into the delivery of its message rather than the appropriateness. It doesn’t matter how comfortable the seats are, how many electric guitars or youtube clips you include in your sermon, if the subject is not helpful to the listener then it is useful. A drowning man is not interested if the ship is the latest or newest model, he is only concerned if it has a life buoy that can be given to him to rescue him.

Focussing on style does not make the message relevant. Focussing on style does not make the message better either. A beautiful photo is still beautiful whether it is in colour or black and white, taken on a digital camera or on a film camera. The relevancy of the photo is not affected by how it was taken but by what it meant to the viewer.

It would be an interesting if you were to survey your unchurched community about what they would think a 'successful' church might look like. Perhaps style of worship might not rate as highly as a perhaps a church that serves it's community.

As you start 2010 and you seek to be a relevant church to your community don’t worry about your style of service just concentrate on whether you are actually helping people find meaning and purpose for their life. Don’t leave them disappointed by with promises or showbiz, just give them hope.

What do you think?

Speed of the Leader; Speed of the Team

This statement from an ad on radio station 96five has been running through my head for the last week or so and challenging me on how I conduct my life. I think God has been challenging me on how I lead or more importantly how I influence those people around me.

For the purposes of this article I want to use the word influencer instead of leader. In my experience with leaders of churches, I have noted that when a minister has had to step down from being the senior minister, his sin is normally reflected in the life of the congregation. If his marriage has broken up, then there are a lot of broken marriages in the congregation, if it is sexual immorality then it is in the congregation. Speed of the leader; speed of the team.

So we as influencers set the pattern for those we influence. So who do we influence? Partners, children, friends, workmates, other people.

So what are the hallmarks of an influencer/leader:
• Encourager
• Listener
• Approachable
• Visionary
• Example
• Disciplined
• Transparent
• Charismatic
• Consistent
• Empowerer
• Discipler

So what is a Biblical pattern for an influencer? No where in the Bible can I see where people were taken away to be trained as influencers. There was no school of leadership. People were discipled on the job. Paul took Timothy and taught him through the school of hard knocks. Paul got rid of Mark, Barnabas then took hold of Mark, worked with him until Paul says later can you please send Mark because I need him. Jesus did all his stuff with the disciples on the job.

Here is the first major paradigm shift. Leadership/influence is actually caught not taught. It is not about creating a bunch of rules to live by. It is about looking for teachable moments to learn from. It is about showing how we conduct ourselves in every day circumstances. I need to model the behaviour I expect to see in my wife, children, friends etc. No room for hypocritical behaviour.

The next major paradigm shift is that influence/leadership is actually about making ourselves redundant. It is about empowering those around us to be ultimately able to live life without looking for direction from us. As a parent that is what I hope will happen with my kids. That, in the end, the way my kids conduct their life is an imitation of Kylie and I and it becomes second nature to them. They don’t have to ask us what to do; they automatically know what to do. That is true influence and discipleship.

Speed of leader; speed of the team then is conditional on us as influencers empowering those who are around us to become the people God wants them to be and ultimately have us as influencers becoming redundant to their life. It is to provide stimulation to their life not motivation.